Looking for advice

Hi, I'm usually just a lurker on Reddit, so sorry if this is all over the place. It's like 3 AM, and I just finished doing something, so my brain is kind of fried.
I'm 21F, and my girlfriend is 23F. Our relationship is honestly really great, and I love her a lot. The only thing that's been weighing on me is that I don't think she really understands how much BDSM is intertwined with my interests and the way I experience intimacy.

I've tried talking to her about it. I've shown her videos about the community, explained different aspects of it, and tried to have open conversations, but it still feels like she doesn't really get it. Most of what I've shared has been YouTube videos from experienced BDSM educators (mostly femdom creators) who talk about the community, communication, consent, and the lifestyle itself.

For some context about me: when I was younger, I consumed a lot of BDSM-related content online. Looking back, I know I was way too young for that, and I feel ashamed that I was exposed to it so early. For a long time, I convinced myself it was just a phase, but it clearly wasn't.

Now I feel like I can't really express this side of myself. I know what I'm into, but some of my interests lean toward the heavier side of BDSM, so I haven't told my girlfriend everything because I'm honestly scared of how she'll react.

More than anything, I just wish I had people I could talk to about this. I want to understand this part of myself better and connect with others who get it. I tried FetLife, but I just ended up feeling out of place.

Everyone seemed so experienced and confident, while I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I wanted to join conversations, but I felt stupid every time I tried.

I don't really know what I'm asking here. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone had any similar experience. How did you find people you felt comfortable talking to?