A Life

If you are a kind person, you should rip this note off the wall and go read it in the park. When I started going to school, I thought that people should co-exist and help one another, with the more intelligent coming up with ideas to improve life for everyone. A few years into school I had already resolved to see everyone as an enemy, and a little later I graduated to an even more misanthropic view – where the others were merely puppets.

It was an elaborate theory, but the theory of a child, so rife with imaginative errors that became lethal snares for any remaining possibility that I would live in harmony with anyone. Still, it had a demon-puppeteer, complete and unavoidable determinism for everyone (apart from myself, naturally), also complete lack of accountability (who can accuse a puppet of anything?) and a sprinkling of supporting structures for the unhinged megalomania I was to indulge in as compensation for being thrown to this world.

Alas, all religions are tested at some point, even personal religions such as my own. It always happens when the believer can no longer accept that life is bearable. So in the same way as countless deities throughout history, my own god fell first into question, then disrepute and his ultimate destiny was abandonment and fossilization in a bitter memory.

After all that, being in a new stage in my life, I tried to learn useful things, convincing myself that it might not be too late. As long as I fully committed myself to learning, perhaps I could still excel at something good. Alas, I barely made it out of high-school math and physics, and no one wanted to hire me as a tutor even for middle-schoolers. But I wish to state clearly that back then my intentions were good; it’s just that I didn’t (and I couldn’t, without immediately abandoning this new dream) factor in how unlikely it was to succeed in this way.

I learned, however, how to calculate forces with precision, and also ways to hit things with considerable power, using only basic and cheap set-ups. Not that I could ever hold the Roman army back, like Archimedes did. But I still had enough to cause real damage.

When I read the announcement (renovation work, etc) posted in the entrance of this apartment building, I thought that it would very likely work, completely unintentionally, as a plausible cover for the metallic contraptions I then installed on two of the floors. I left them to silently work for a day, and then plastered behind one of them this note that you are reading.

It will possibly be found in the rubble. I can’t be certain of that.