i've included a snippet from our argument a few days ago. 

our son just turned 1 and the main issue we've always argued about is how i need him to be home more. he is working on his business and spends a lot of time outside the house making money. he believes that he's a man who's duty is to make money and i'm a woman who's duty is to raise kids, do laundry, clean the house, and make food. i agreed to this at the time because i didn't understand what all went into being a stay at home parent. it's very difficult for me. i have plans to go back to school and get into a career but i don't have high opens my husband will be able to do 50/50. 

anyway, when im vulnerable with him about my struggle he gets defensive and dismissive. he says our brains are wired different and he can't do what i do. he says i need to change my mindset and just get things done. i'm so unbelievably depressed i spent half the night last night thinking about his firearm in the nightstand drawer. we have a counseling session today and i feel so drained i don't even know what im going to say to the therapist. there's just so much. there's stuff i can't remember. 

we argued a few nights ago because i finally let it all out on him and he has this habit of cherry picking things i say and arguing about that instead of the main point. like when i told him about how much i struggled post partum, how i was still spraying dermoplast on my stitches while getting up every hour and listening to the baby to make sure he didn't asphyxiate on amniotic fluid. i told him about how i left it up to him once and the baby bled. and he focused on me saying the baby bled and asked if i was implying that he wants to hurt the baby. you can see it in the messages. i kind of want to show the counselor so she gets an idea of how we argue. i want to emphasize i never said he doesn't do anything. i said providing financially is the baseline he agreed to, and that he does hardly anything else outside of that.

part of me wants to leave him but a bigger part of me regrets having a kid with him at all. and i love our life sometimes. but lately i just haven't been. 

i feel unseen and devalued by my husband