I wish I never met her. I have so much hatred. I miss her

Ever since we parted ways 3 months ago, I've woke up with the strongest urge to check her profile. In those waking moments my heart starts racing at a rapid pace and the only thing that provides me relief is seeing her face through her instagram profile and her status on discord. Both indications that she is still alive.

Along the way I found out that she is actually doing quite well without me, as far as one could judge from reposts and stories. Eventually she found out I was seeing her stuff and blocked me on one platform and told me to stop watching her. It feels impossible to respect her wish.

I remain unblocked on instagram but i'm quite certain she viewed my profile at one point as well.

She recently obtained a matching pfp. Which suggests she might've found someone new. This feels like. Like I've been stabbed in the heart.