How do I 33F get my boyfriend 36M out of the house?

My (33F) boyfriend (36M) has been out of work for a year and it’s starting to seriously piss me off. I get that he’s trying but at this point I just need him to go somewhere at any point ever so I can have some peace in the house when I am home. He won’t even go for a walk or go to the gym or take care of himself. Even those small reprieves where I can listen to music, dance, or be joyful without having to defend my joy to an angry sad man who thinks I need to be sad and depressed forever too or else I didn’t care.

He did lose three dogs in the last year in possibly the worst way imaginable, our two big dogs ganged up on our little dog after living together peaceably for three years and the little dog didn’t make it. We put the other two down afterwards. We were both bitten by our big dogs in the course of this dog fight and trying to break it up, but his injuries prevented him from going to work and he unfortunately lost his job. He 100% blames me for what happened because technically the little dog was his and technically the big dogs were mine. They are all gone now. This was over a year ago. But at this point, I’ve been supporting him for a year, he won’t get a new job, he’s suing me for his dog injuries, and I have no way out.

He doesn’t have friends anymore because this has been isolating. It’s like walking on eggshells because he’s depressed at being unemployed for so long. But like I can’t even dance or smile or be happy in my own home for one second because he’s home all the time and he drains all the energy. I get that he’s sad. I get that he’s grieving. I get that he is unemployed. I get that he’s depressed. But at this point, I can’t smile or be happy or horny or anything other than just existing next to him. He gets pissed off and shuts down at the smallest things. The one time we had sex in the last few months I said it was regulating and he got angry at me because he said he didn’t want to be my regulator and I was just like OK then. I didn’t know it was a bad thing for sex to be regulating.

If I even turn on a happy movie, he will put on headphones so he can hear his stupid game and crank his fucking music on the TV louder. All he listens to is angry, sad punk rock, or hip-hop. But imagine how loud someone has to hear it in order to hear it over their headphones. That’s what I get if I turn on any other noise in the house because he acts like he has to drown out my noise. But all it does is mean I can’t even hear what I’m listening to because his noise takes over.

I know i sounds really harsh but he won’t take jobs he thinks are beneath him and at this point even minimum wage would help pay the bills. I’m tired of asking my parents for help because I can’t depend on him anymore and I didn’t sign up to pay all of the bills on my own. I can’t afford them. He acts like it would be degrading to take a job at Walmart and I’m just like take the stupid job at Walmart. I don’t even care if you think it’s degrading. You’ve been out of work for a year. It’s all been on me. I’m exhausted. I’m pissed off. I never get to sit in my fucking chair and play video games all day. The life he lives every single day is unreal to me.

I would just like to play music, dance in my kitchen and wash dishes without being bitched at for being awake when he wants to sleep until noon or later. Even in my fantasies, it’s the ability to do chores without tiptoeing around a man. I’m not even dreaming of making art or doing anything lavish with my life. I’m dreaming about doing dishes without having to be quiet because I will be bitched at if I make too much noise.

I’m finding it impossible to have any joy around him because he sucks all the life out of everything. Yesterday he glared at me because my chip bag made noise. Like I’m not joking you cannot exist around this man without him being angry at you for no reason. And I understand that he’s depressed, but I didn’t sign up to live with an angry depressed man and yet that is my life every day.

How do I get him to get a job and get out of the house? Even a couple hours a week would give me a break. I could breathe and take a shower and wash my hair without somebody watching me and being angry at me for using all the hot water or whatever imaginary reason he makes up that day.

I don’t think I would even mind living with him in a platonic way, but I can’t break up with him while he’s like this because he would say I’m a horrible person who doesn’t standby her man while he’s going through hard times. but I need him to get out of the house at some point. I am feel like I’m being driven crazy by his constant bullshit. I mean, not being allowed to be happy ever without someone glaring at you is a lot. Being told that you make too much noise for making any noise is a lot. Like I don’t listen to music I tiptoe around my house so I don’t disturb him and I just need a break.

I mean, is this normal? I think because he’s unemployed he should be helping out around the house but he won’t because he says he’s depressed. Maybe he will sweep once a month. He won’t vacuum he won’t mop he won’t do dishes. He doesn’t put dishes away he doesn’t put laundry away occasionally he will wash and dry if he needs it. Like if he literally runs out of towels or clothes. Short of that, he doesn’t do any chores around the house. Maybe once a month he will cook on the grill and it’s just a bunch of meat. . Yes it tastes good but again his effort is limited to maybe three times a month at most. One day of cleaning one day of laundry, one day of cooking. If you’re lucky. Most of the time I just clean up after him while he does nothing. I said, could he at least clean the blender every day since he says if I loved him, I would make him a smoothie every day. And he says he’s depressed and he can’t be asked to wash dishes and if I cared about him, I would do it all. Keep in mind. I’m the only one working outside the house. So I get to go do my nine hour workday. And come home to cleaning up after him and being told that I’m an asshole because I literally just wanted him to clean up after himself so it’s easier for me to make him more food. I feel insane writing this down. Like it sounds insane and yet it is my life. I didn’t mean for it to be this. I don’t want it to be this. But I’m kind of stuck right now.

He wasn’t like this before he became unemployed long-term. Like I know he’s depressed but at this point, we’re both depressed because I can’t be happy because it pisses him off when I’m happy. When he leaves, I can be happy, but he has nowhere to go and he’s actively sabotaging any kind of taking care of himself or having friends. Like I’m trying to understand, but I’m just so frustrated. He’s putting all of it on me and like he has all the time in the world yet he won’t get off his ass and stop playing stupid video games and get a job even if it’s not the best most ideal job.

I think part of the resentment is coming from also the fact that I don’t have the option of sitting at a computer and playing a game for months at a time and then having the audacity to like say that working at normal job is beneath you. All you do is play fucking League of Legends my dude. I don’t think Walmart is beneath you. I don’t think Amazon is beneath you.

On the other hand, I’m not trying to kick him out or make him be homeless or make his life worse. I would very much like to see him get his shit together so I can break up with him and not feel like crap about breaking up with someone who is unemployed and depressed. But I’m certainly not attracted to him anymore. We’re not having sex anymore. Like I’m really struggling to see anything attractive about him literally refusing to work a job.

So does anyone have any advice for how to make him get a job? Or advice for how to navigate this? I’m burning out because I hate my job but clearly I can’t quit. But I feel like the only place where I could be happy or like let off steam is at home and instead my home is tense and horrible because I live with an angry/ sad / depressed man. He was once normal and happy and we were once normal and happy. like I didn’t sign up for this.

The situation with the dogs was horribly hard and sad. But like he won’t move on. It’s been a year and I still randomly get accused of murdering his dog if we have an argument as if I somehow planned it. It was a horrible accident. I get that he needs time to grieve. But nobody gets time to grieve without having to go to work and he’s had an entire year and nothing is getting better.