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I (26F) have always been close with my older sister (29F) She's getting married in about a month to her fiance who she has been with for four years now.
But before they met, I worked at the same company as him for almost two years and we were friendly coworkers, we normally grabbed lunch with other colleagues and occasionally texted about work. Nothing romantic ever happened between us.
Fast forward a year, he and my sister meet through mutual friends. When she found out we already knew each other, she laughed it off and even joked that I should tell her if he had any embarrassing stories from work.
Well, everything was fine until a few weeks ago when she called me crying, saying she'd found old messages between him and me from years ago. One message where he told me "I missed you today" and me also telling him 'i wished you came to work today" the reason for those message were due to the fact that we usually help each other with tasks at work and cover for each other. Besides that we only talked about work, shared memes, work gossip, and one other conversation where he thanked me for helping him prepare for a presentation which is something we usually do. She asked me if I had ever had feelings for him. I said no, because I genuinely didn't and never saw him that way.
Then she asked if I'd be willing to let her read through my old phone backups and social media messages to see the context for those messages for her peace of mind.
I laughed because I thought she was joking or better still, let her go through his phone not mine and i started getting annoyed when she kept insisting I allow her go through my phone.
She said if I had nothing to hide, I shouldn't have a problem proving it and her friends suggested the same thing and that if we did this one thing, it would help avoid future drama before the wedding.
I refused immediately. Not because there's anything to find, but because I think it's an insane invasion of privacy.
Apparently that made me look guilty in a way but i just wanted her to go through his phone instead and not mine.
She still asks why won't I clear my name and give it a rest? this even pissed me off the more cos she's focusing on the wrong person and what name do I need to clear? She told my mom about the whole thing and her response was that I'm being too prideful over little issues.
The final straw was when my sister said she didn't feel comfortable having me at the wedding unless I handed over my phone first so we sort it out once and for all. But why can't she ask her fiance? her response was "I don't want him to think that i don't trust him"
So I told her I wouldn't be attending at all and that she could have the wedding she wanted without me there. Let her go through his phone and not mine.
AITA?
Posted Jul 4, 2026, 6:23 PM UTC