Gone crazy

My partner of ten years left me and we still talked for awhile but then she blocked me and I'm almost thankful cause if anyone ever saw all the messages I've been sending they would say these are the rantings of a crazy person and put me in a mental institute. It is all very suicidal and Bipolar some days It's stuff about how I forgive them and they shouldn't blame themself if I do it and others it's asking how they could have done this to me. She was the love of my life I was depressed before and she made me happy and I'm so much worse now. I just want this pain to end I can't stop replaying all the mistakes I made. I don't know how to stop wanting to die.