for the record

Just processing feelings again. I meant what I said and this whole thing has crushed me, I've lost so much sleep over it and have cried about it countless times. I regret what I wrote you, like I came in with a decision about needing to move on but maybe I should have asked first to see if it could become something. I really just needed relief from it though and saw no way for it to go forward. I wish there was a way back somehow but I just did what I thought was best at the time. For all I know you don't care because you didn't say anything when I put it all out there. I don't know what to make of the songs, I think it's just music you like and is unrelated because any other explanation is most likely just me feeding my delusions. I didn't abandon you, I just don't know what to do anymore. And for all I know you don't care, I have no reason to believe you do because you didn't say anything. Life sucks now and I think of the years ahead and dread it all and it makes me tired, where just a few months ago when I still had hope in this dream of us life felt full of possibility. I also still don't see a good way forward, like I would give it my all if given the chance but it doesn't seem like something you want. I worry that I don't have my things together enough to be a good partner, I think that might be a problem but would try so hard to fix it. What I'm trying to say is I did not abandon you, I'm trying to set the record straight on that and be clear that that's not what happened here. And I care about you and genuinely hope you're unaffected and living your best life and that this song is not about anything