Uncertainty about us getting back together after our break

First post i made about this situation: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/s/taVO7dbd3R

I’m more or less just venting and getting my thoughts out somewhere compared to my original post.

We still talk every night like how we arranged when we decided against breaking up completely and instead decided to go on a low contact break. We decided to work on ourselves and see how we were feeling at the end of the break and its about halfway until we get to that point.

I feel so confident about myself and all the progress I made. I feel happy, im back into my hobbies, and I am detaching from my parents and becoming more independent. You’ve been going out a lot more and making friends and I’m so proud of you.

I know that I would be happy either way if we got back together or not, but I think we should try again. I feel like things would improve for the better, we would be better partners for each other. And I don’t want to lose you, you’re my first everything and my best friend. And even if I were to lose you I think I would get over it pretty quickly after all the work I have been doing to better myself recently.

Just I don’t understand where you are. I mean, I understand why you are wary and uncertain about both moving on or getting back together after the way our relationship has been and I’m sorry. But I wish you would tell me more about why you’ve been so uncertain.

You tell me you miss me, that you want me, and when you are alone after being out and about, all you want is me. You tell me that the thought of distance from me or losing me hurts you. Didn’t we talk about us wanting to work through everything? And you told me when we first decided to break up that if I got my stuff worked out you wanted me to reach out to you, and I’ve made so much progress on that during this break.

But then at the same time you tell me that the thought that we’d be better off moving on has crossed your mind a lot too. And when I ask what you think things would look like if we moved on, you tell me that we would eventually try to date other people and then you tell me that the thought of me with someone else hurts. And yet the way you’ve been talking it seems like you are leaning towards ending things off with us.

I think we should try again, I feel so confident about things being better for the both of us and I feel the same way, I don’t want to lose you. I try to help you work through the uncertainty but all you say is that you don’t know. I don’t care about what you decide, it just hurts that you tell me all these things about not wanting to lose me and yet you’re still uncertain about if we should get back together or not? I just don’t understand how you say all these things about me and how you just want us to work and still be uncertain about everything.

And it makes me wonder about it all too. What else have you worked on with yourself besides putting yourself out there and making more friends? Are you practicing any sort of self care or self love like you said you would because you wanted to be more kind to yourself? What about those goals you had before things came to a head, about getting your license? And getting a better job so you can quit that hateful organization you are at now? You tell me that you’re uncertain and a part of you wonders if we need more time apart or to move on completely yet you still want things to work, and I tell you I want things to work too, that I am making progress and putting the work in to do so if we tried again. You were the one who proposed the idea of this low contact break to me, so we could try to work on ourselves and reevaluate. But outside of just going out more, what else have you done?

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why you tell me all these things about wanting me, and proposing the idea of this break to me to work things out with ourselves for a bit before seeing if we should try again in the first place, when you are also telling me that you are uncertain about what to decide and that the only thing you’ve worked on with yourself is going out more.

I’m sorry for anyone reading this if my thoughts were incoherent and my post being so long. I just really needed to put down my thoughts somewhere to see if I can try to work out these feelings I have. If anyone has any comments or wants to say anything about my situation, I’d also appreciate it, but I really just needed to vent somewhere.