I’m M27 into my best friend F27 and I’m spinning out about it now

TL;DR I (M27) have developed a bit of a crush on my best friend S (F27) over the course of 8 years, we’ve had “moments” where she’s made some advances and now it’s culminated in me actively wrestling with my feelings as I really would be into her, but I know better than to risk a relationship I value so much just for a chance at something more. How do I get over this crush?

We met freshman year of college while we were both in relationships with our high school sweethearts and because of that we were kind of just acquaintances for the first two years of knowing each other.

Fast forward those two years and I’m in a new relationship and S is on a break with her bf for a two week stint. We get invited to a house party and at that house party she gets hammered and proceeds to follow me around being very touchy and trying to cuddle. I reject her advances as she’s way too drunk and I’m in a relationship. The next day I ask my friend who hosted the party about it and he tells me “that’s just something that she does for body heat” which I think is weird at the time and still think is weird to this day, but accepted because it just made it easier than making a big deal out of it.

A year later and I’m hospitalized and S takes the time to come visit me and because of this we grow closer. About two months after I’m discharged, her relationship with her bf ends and a friend of ours E invites us to visit her for her birthday 3 states away so we plan a road trip together. During that road trip S talks about the break up and she asks me if I know anyone from our home state that happens to be a good cuddler. I jokingly suggest a mutual friend of ours and after she shoots the idea down we change the subject. Cut to the end of the party that night, and I’m violently high and she’s crossed, I look over to her and ask her if she’d want to cuddle. She jumps up out of her chair and sprints over onto me and as I hold her in my arms she says “I’ve been waiting all day for you to ask me” the morning after we didn’t really address it and I chalked it up to the breakup making her lonely. I ask my friend and she says not to worry about so I just drop it.

Months go by with her having a chance encounter that leads to her getting a bf, then 8 months in he breaks up with her and we go out for my birthday. We all get hammered I’d blacked out several times that night so it’s hazy but we’re hotboxing my car in my driveway, eating some snacks we picked up before the uber drove us home. It’s me, S, and E and as I’m pulling out a sandwich I got I make a joke saying “I’m gonna bust eating this” and S makes a comment along the lines of “that looks so good I’d literally suck it for a bite” E makes a follow up joke saying “I’d totally deepthroat your sub ngl it looks so good” and then S says “huh deepthroat? Well I meannn….” And proceeds to lock eye contact with me and give me the most feral look I’ve ever seen that woman have. Again nothing happened because of us being so drunk.

After two months S and her ex get back together and over the next two years we have several talks about how she’s unhappy in the relationship until one day I call her about my own toxic relationship and tell her I want her help and support getting through it. S comes through ofc and says that I inspired her to do the same about two months later she ends it with her bf. Ever since we’ve hanging out every week.

About a month ago I had a death in the family and called up all my friends, everyone was busy, S included, but she still made the time to go out and grab drinks with me. We go out and have a good time and on the way back to my car she invites me over to watch a show she thought I would like personally. As we’re in the car she tells me she never noticed that I reminded her of this specific actor
(ngl blanking on his name but from experience when someone says “you look like x actor/celebrity” they’re into you)
Back at her place she and I are watching the show and she’s sitting closer to me than usual and I think about asking her if she’d want to cuddle but I don’t.

Finally there’s a week and a half ago, S had just had an urge to go out and try the dating scene at a local bar with my friend O I’m running late and am completely held up with a bunch of shit going wrong at my house so I tell her I’m gonna be late, it’s so late she sends me a text “Are you still coming?????? Pls 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺” I text her atp with cover and everything I’ll just pick them up and DD them home. She tells me to not to worry about it and to get over there already. I get there and she’s drunk, she hugs me and tells me that she’s glad I came, but not to get too close because she’s peacocking which is where this whole post was conceived. It bugged me. Never before had I been upset about it and I’m not the jealous type, haven’t been since high school, but I couldn’t help feel just a little hurt by her saying that. Me and O go around the bar and grab drinks and dance and we let S do her thing as she pulls two guys numbers. I wasn’t bothered as I knew she wanted to come here for that specific purpose and I was glad that she was hitting it off with them, but as closing time came around and we were heading out I couldn’t help but feel like I was being a bit standoffish about it. She was talking about one of the guys saying that she met the love of her life and I asked her what his name was, she couldn’t even remember and said I see the trap you laid there even though I was just genuinely curious about him, yet I can’t help but feel like I said it with some resentment.

My biggest problem right now is that I don’t want to be toxic to my friend. I want to be happy for her and I want to celebrate her victories with her. At the end of the day I just want her to be happy.