Csa triggers and needing someone to just hear me out 🙇🏽‍♂️

Having grown tired of remunerating thought after thought, it occurred to me that my csa repressed memories surfaced when o found out my gather ( who was my safety net became ill). Like many people the avoidance and numbing coping mechanisms were wild and after he passed, seems to continue. I’m unable to cry or not dissociate. This then builds up and reveals itself later on unhealthy ways

The issue I find now is that, having returned home and with him no there. That lack of safety leads to every day triggers. I’ve grown tired of sabotaging myself as I can’t recognise the emotions when they start nor be able to process them in this environment.

Any one able to relate ? Any advise ?