I'm just tired

I (18M) am autistic and I really hate the way society has treated me since I was born.I hate how everybody expects me to be a normal guy and many times I have experienced bullying and harassment from people because I'm not loud like a normal man or because I don't share the same humour as one.One of my main issues is that my family doesn't understand me and don't understand that I am not a normal person,they think I understand whatever they want even though I don't,normal everyday tasks are hard for me because I process them differently and since childhood I have been subjected to being laughed at and purposely triggered so I would scream and cry.I am also extremely skinny because of my aversion to food due to my autism and i hate how teachers,adults and even peers think it's okay to say cruel things to me and expect me to laugh.I hate how everybody expects me to be normal and act like a normal person and this is the reason i have wanted to die since I was 7 because I would be free from being the target for everyone,from being the usual victim even resorts to laughing at.Unfortunately in our society it's normal for men to speak in weird ways and make jokes about harassment and rape and even my own cousins do that,they make fun of me because I think it's weird and in the past year I have been reduced to tears because they would take turns bashing me and laughing at me,this is the reason I have had a fear of men for as long as I was a kid because it was always other men who would target me and I can't do anything about it.I have alot of issues socialising and except for my cousin I can't talk to people with my true self which is an issue since she's a girl and people say weird shit,i wish i didnt have all these issues and just was born a normal kid.Our country has made it way too normal to treat neurodivergent people as sub-humans,I await the day that I can finally live like a normal human without being harassed for every action i do.