My 47F can’t stop being afraid that my husband 41M will leave.

Not long into our relationship, I physically cheated on my husband (we weren’t married yet-not that it makes a difference though). I make no excuses for it. I thought we had moved past it. This was about 13 years ago. Since then, my husband has had 2, possibly 3, emotional affairs. He said they are not as big of a deal as nothing physical happened. He said no one gave him attention when he was younger and it feels good if someone does now. He admitted that when it happened that it was a mistake, but when I talk about the pain I feel from the betrayal or the nightmares, he still brings up what I did to him all those years ago. I feel like it’s payback. He says it’s not. The most recent one was over a year ago, but I can’t get rid of the fear that it will happen again if I’m not giving him enough attention. Or that he will get tired of the stress with our kids (2 are adults living at home and 1 teen) that he will just say screw this and leave. How do I get past this?

TLDR afraid husband will leave from previous emotional affairs