Genuinely what is it like to be in a non-toxic relationship?

I have only been in 2 serious relationships and honestly don’t know what it’s like to not experience the love bombing, extreme jealousy, fights and arguments that circle around for hours, being triggered to the point where I act like a different person I don’t want to be (yelling, screaming, crying, sobbing), tit-for-tat behavior, stonewalling, punishment, yadda yadda…

it feels like the norm at this point and I hate that it happened twice, i know we love each other deeply but the cycle is killing me. I kind of grew up like this because my parents were like this together, and then got remarried and they’re like this with my stepparents. yelling and blowout fights, words that cut deep are the “norm.”

it shouldn’t be like this. I feel like it’s me and I’m for going to break out of this, like relationships are unsafe for me