Am I expecting too much, or is this relationship missing something fundamental?

I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 28M. We’ve been together for a few years. My dad passed away from pancreatic cancer in November 2025, and I’m still grieving. This has been the hardest period of my life.
I’ve been questioning whether I’m expecting too much from a partner, or whether I’ve been accepting too little.

Over the course of our relationship, I’ve tried to support him however I can. He’s on my spousal visa, I let him use my car whenever he needs it because he doesn’t have one yet (he pays for fuel), I’ve bought him a lot of things over the years, including clothes, and I even bought a PS5 for our home knowing it was mainly something he’d enjoy. I’m naturally a very generous person.

I also carry a lot of the mental load. I organise meals, groceries, and generally make sure life keeps moving. Around the house, he does contribute and I’m not saying he does nothing, but it’s inconsistent. If he doesn’t do some of his chores, they often end up becoming mine because I don’t want to live in a messy home. I’ve suggested hiring a cleaner so the pressure isn’t on either of us, but he doesn’t want to, so I end up picking up the extra work anyway.
The biggest issue, though, is emotional support.
Since my dad died, there have been so many times I’ve been crying in another room and he has either ignored it or carried on as though nothing was happening. If he does come to me, he’ll ask, “What’s wrong?” even though my grief has been a daily reality for months. Sometimes I don’t need him to solve anything. I just want him to sit with me, hug me or acknowledge that I’m having a hard day.
We’ve argued about this before. During one conversation he told me that he does support me, but that the kind of support I’m asking for is “too much” and that he “can’t do those things.”
That sentence has really stayed with me because I honestly don’t feel like I’m asking for anything extraordinary. I’m asking for emotional presence from the person I’m building a life with.
Recently I suggested we have a “State of the Union” relationship meeting after reading Keep Love by Paul Brunson because I wanted us to work on our relationship. He said he wasn’t ready and wanted to postpone it.

Today he told me he was taking some parcels to a female friend he’s known since primary school and then going for drinks with her afterwards. My issue isn’t that he has a female friend. If he’d gone for drinks with a lifelong friend on any other weekend, I genuinely don’t think I’d care.
What hurt was the timing.
He wasn’t ready to spend an evening repairing our relationship, but he was ready to spend an evening socialising. To me, that made me feel like fixing our relationship wasn’t a priority.
I told him exactly that.
Now I’m sitting here wondering whether this is just one incident that’s upsetting me, or whether I’m finally reacting to a pattern I’ve been ignoring for a long time.

I don’t want people to simply tell me to break up. I’m genuinely looking for honest perspectives.
Am I expecting too much from a 28-year-old partner, or does it sound like I’m asking for a pretty basic level of emotional support, shared responsibility, and prioritisation?