generally done with people

im so tired of trying to be so nice i just want people to leave me alone. then i also want someone to love and friends but im just so done being hurt by people and trying to mend relationships. i can’t even love who i want to because of my parent‘s beliefs so why even try. all of my friends have someone and i have no one. people keep asking me when im going to date and why i don’t have a boyfriend. i keep turning down guys and im scared my standards are too high or something. i dont even want these guys i want another person but theyre trans so id never be allowed. i feel like theres something so horribly wrong with me. like i’m messed up somehow. like i don’t get other people and i don’t know how to be like them no matter how hard i try