Going ahead with a marriage where my fiance crosses boundaries

I wanted to share my experience about the events with my fiance. I am too scared to tell anyone else, especially my family and I know everyone will say it’s my fault.

I met him online while I was completing my studies in a different state. We got on really well since the beginning and both our families too. He introduced me to his parents in our first 2 weeks of knowing each other and pushed for me to do the same, I took that as a green flag since he wanted family involved.

He came to visit me while I was studying a few times. I was against this but my problem is I never voiced it enough. I gave in because I thought I found the one. I did however make it known to him from the start that I want to do things right, no touching etc. But when we met we never stuck to it. He would book a hotel in my state and fly down. The very first time we met he asked if we could kiss and I said no, not now. But he asked again the next day and it happened. One thing led to another. He would also insist I sleep over at his hotel. We never fully had sex before marriage but did a lot of other wrong. The one night I remember falling asleep and I was ill that day, I woke up with his hand on my breast and he said he was also asleep and didn't know and we just laughed it off. But something just always tells me he was lying. I would never know, I just recall feeling very uncomfortable.

We got engaged a year later and I moved to his state to complete my internship. He would come over and I asked him if we could not touch, hug, kiss or anything before our marriage and he agreed. But he would always ask me to engage in these sexual acts with him and when I say no, he would say "last time, time time", again not actual sex. I blame myself here for not being so firm on my no's and giving in to him. He never got angry or irritated either, just kept asking until I said okay. And during these acts I try to make it go fast because I just am not happy doing it. one night, he dropped me at my apartment late at night after visiting his parents and we both somehow fell asleep, and he woke up and just suddenly started kissing me and put his hands in my pants. That's when I asked him to leave.

I feel so guilty doing all of this and confused at the same time. He is genuinely a good person and from a good family, the community loves them too. He also messages me after these inicidents telling me how guilty he feels and that I should pray and ask for forgiveness because everything is going so well for us and he doesn't want to ruin that. And he has a really good heart which is why my judgment is so clouded.

The only time I really felt so upset and put my foot down was during all this he asked me"what do you think about sucking it?" I felt so disgusting at that but I felt like being a bad fiancé for telling him off. I never did it though. I can’t help but wonder if this was SA.

Am I just being blinded by how much I love him? Other than these things, he's soft with me, I feel happy around him and he does the world for me but I don't know if im getting myself into a lifetime of boundaries being crossed consistently.

tl;dr - my fiance is overly intimate despite me saying no, need advice