how do i stop being so rude?

i feel really bad a lot because i come off as rude, even to myself, but i genuinely don’t know how to be any other way.

for example, i often find myself wanting to ask “what’s your point in saying that?” or something along those lines. in a discussion with someone i had abt family issues, they said something about it being better for me to think before i speak. i said that i understand that now, but i also am learning and unfortunately that means i make mistakes as i go. then they replied with “yeah, i know. i was just saying.” but i always find myself frustrated with the ‘i’m just saying’ claim, because i don’t understand the idea of saying something just to put it out there instead of having a goal, such as feeling heard or convincing the other person to believe the same thing.

i don’t know, but i just feel like everyone sees me as a careless pos. it’s not that i don’t care about other people and their feelings, it’s that i don’t understand initially that they could feel that way in response to me unless they explain it. it’s just exhausting and hurtful because the truth is, i care SO much, i just have no idea of how to show it in a “normal” way.