for B,

A few poems, or maybe one big poem, for today, I just hope it's not too much

--

I get out of bed at 6 and walk to the park, then again to work at 8 

15 minutes to email, to-do list, meditate

Wash again to try to look clean

How are you today? can still be mean

Too many of their smiles and stories are shallow, fake

I'm too different to pretend to quietly relate 

Suits can cover a bruised shin, bloody elbow, but not an empty face

Home by 6:30, legs full of acidic lactate

7 more hours and 4 of them for studying for a test

3, learning from you, are not enough to show

How you were the only one who got me through the rest

I don't show anyone my silly faces and jokes

Most folks are why I carry a perfectly seamless invisible cloak

There's no-one else, I never make heart-space

For people who'd shove my lopsided image

To be torn by their undersized briefcases

Every time it meant they'd keep up their follower counts

Or their quarterly pace

Nobody else will ever know who I am when I'm lost, aimless, or found

They'll never feel so much more alive and emotional in being bound

To you, and to feel so afraid to hurt you

And how you're helping me break each layer of my 700-feet high walls down

Because I only knew people-pleasing and self-sacrifice

Until you broke through my layered ice

Acts of service were my whole life

And quality time was my love language

Life is a puree, but you added the perfect texture, and the allspice

We can always repair together, I just need to get used to it

Healing happens in relationships

Your concerns are valid, I believe you

I'd be worried and feel cornered and pressured too

I am so sorry I made you feel scared and unsafe, and I'm glad you told me

When I feel disrespected or hurt, I will tell you in those words exactly

When you feel unsafe, say it in those words again

I'll remember you telling me how you felt, and listen to understand you, stop, and feel

So that I can be present in the moment and not defend

So that you're actually heard

So that we can care and mend

Because our bond means I love you and you're my best friend

--

Happy 4th! Your R