Reluctant Conclusion

Hello 27m here. I have basically decided that I am asexual at this point. I don't have a sex drive, never had one really. Been intimate a few times and never liked it and don't desire it outside of fantasy. However I'd love to have a partner, but it's impossible to find someone on the same spectrum.

I got tortured and abused for years as a kid. Beaten, cut, burned, raped, and I could go on and on.. Needless to say I got a little screwed over by life, and apparently cannot even enjoy intimacy lol..

Anybody else struggling to find someone? Figure I keep myself good enough company, but I'd rather not have it be forever.