Starting over again...

Back in September 2025, I was looking and feeling my best. 172lbs, infrequent alcohol consumption, making great gym progress, sleeping great, etc. I was so proud of myself and felt like I had finally made healthy habits instead of forcing my weight down through starvation.

Turns out those habits weren't as strong as I thought.

My parents disowned me for being queer/my political beliefs, my grandpa died, and my long-term partner almost left me all in the same week. Everything fell apart.

I blanked and blinked, and today,

I feel gross, heavy on my feet, I'm back to my chronic insomnia and hitting the bottle near-daily. I still have my calorie-tracking habits down to muscle memory, I just don't care anymore when I see that I'm averaging 2,500 calories a day as a 5'5" woman (hard to justify no matter how active I am lol).

I want to feel good again. I just can't seem to remember how I started last time. Any advice?

It doesn't really help that my partner goads me on when it comes to unhealthy food and snacking and shit. Helps me make excuses like "I just want you to be happy" and "you need calories to build muscle at the gym" and "stressing about your weight will just make you gain more weight". I do think he's right about those things *to a degree*, and I know he means well, but the last thing I need is for someone to aid in my complacency.

But yeah, if anyone can help me out, I'd super appreciate it! I'll also be posting in r/stopdrinking soon to get back on track there.