My friends disappear when I’m going through something

Last year was the worst year of my life and I was deeply suicidal. I told some of my friends and said I’m sorry for not being around as much, and explained the situation. No one asked if I was okay. Now that I’m better, all of my friends are gone. Maybe it was just friendship out of proximity, I feel like I have never had actual friends who stay through the hard times. Who I thought was my closest friend, is now being cold and mean to me, even after I explained everything that happened. Im so heartbroken, I miss them so much and I wish I could repair it but what’s done is done.