renewed marrow subscription today and the guilt is eating me up

same as title. i renewed it for a year bcs i know i won't be able to clear it this time around. my parents have huge expectations from me despite me clearing it up for them that i might not make it this time around. im batch 2020 and i think one more attempt cannot hurt. thankfully in a position where finances are not an issue and i just need time for it to genuinely be able to give a decent attempt. i'm just not done with my first reading yet and i don't want to rush it and know nothing despite checking it off so going at a pace that works for me. despite trying to do everything right there still seems such a huge burden and if anything its making my prep worse. just wanted to let it out in the hopes of feeling a bit better.