Day 1 again…

Hope it’s the last time. I’ve been sort of tapering. I can already feel the depression growing in me. I just keep crying. I’ll never do it but god I just want to escape it somehow. My life is a joke. I dedicated all of it to a family who doesn’t even really want me. Now I’m 40 realizing I’ve never made a single dream of mine come true. I’m just a loser who never left their hometown. My husband is perfectly content to let me do everything to manage the house and kids. He just encourages me to keep smoking cause I’m easier to deal with. I keep relapsing cause of it. I don’t want to be too much for everyone. Just like I’ve always been. I wasted so much of my life. I’m so sad