SA victim never had sex and slowly walking to my 30s. No idea how to deal with it, what can I do?

I just feel so wrong. I do feel like I'm the most horrible and pathetic creature on the whole planet. No matter what I do, I don't feel any better about myself. I tried so much, therapy, rehab, gym, working on myself, traveling nothing made me feel any better. I do have weekly appointments and talk to my therapist and yet all I think is still the one thing. I feel so broken and unloved, it also really doesn't help that I basically have no friends IRL. I just wish I could stop thinking like that, stop being me. Sometimes this feeling gets so strong that I can't think of anything else. I sometimes think, I can't beloved. I did so pathetic things and nothing helped me. Every opportunity to have a wish, I just asked to be loved, shooting stars, birthday candles, in the end it didn't matter, no amount of prayers and wishes has changed anything in my life. Each year got worse and worse. I just wish there was a way to be not me anymore, people just throwing at me, that i should work more on me and -30 kg didn't do anything in the end. Speaking to my therapist hasn't helped either. Rehab didn't, traveling, wishes, nothing has changed anything about me. I asked a stranger and let them see me, ofc not everyone was nice but more than enough people said I look completely normal. I try to be supportive and listen to them. Am I just a mix out of different things that just don't work? Does it even make sense to work on myself anymore or keep trying?