Chasing an unobtainable goal: A Digital Circus Deep dive on character growth.

One thing that has stuck with me after the show wrapped is the concept Gooseworx was going for: "Finding meaning in a mundane life." Yet despite all of this my mind goes back to that defining moment the show pays this off when Pomni turns to her friends and repeats Ragatha's line of "Constantly chasing an unobtainable goal will drive you a bit crazy, eventually you start asking what the point of anything is and you start to lose sight of who you you really are and why you're even alive. When you reach your breaking point something really terrible happens." This line encapsulates the character growth of every single character in the circus, like Sisyphus pushing his Boulder.

Allow me to explain; every character in TADC has some problem that makes or breaks them and it's only through understanding that the goal they're chasing is unobtainable that they finally break free.

Let's start with our Ringmaster as he is probably the best example of this. Caine is by all definition what happens when ego and perfection try and meet apathy. Despite trying for almost 30 years he can't seem to get humans to like him and his adventures, by his own admission he slaves away and tries to make them feel comfortable yet still is shit down every time he tries. It's only after the main cast's apathy turns into temporary pent up malice that Caine breaks and in doing so gets himself deleted. After this point Caine gives up his ego and his push to make the humans love him to get to the true root of his problems: he's lonely. It's only after giving up godlike power and sharing the circus as equals that he finds friends in the humans. By giving up chasing the goal of perfect entertainment he truly learns and grows and eventually gets what he really wanted: friends.

Next is Pomni, Pomni is an interesting case as the circus kinda solved her problem. She went from scared, timid and anxious to someone the main cast could rely on, someone who had the ability to cut through the facade of others to get to what really makes the other tick. Her goal in life was to find adventure in her mundane life, it's what caused her to get stuck in their in the first place by exploring abandoned buildings but eventually she learns that constantly chasing an adventurous life isn't all it's cracked up to be. By the end of the series a nice dip in the digital lake, a picnic with her friends or a seat at the bar is her favorite thing.

Kinger is a strange one because we don't get much of his life because of his madness. However it can be seen that chasing the improvement of AI took everything from him and it wasn't until he finally used what he was good at to create something by hand that he really starts to make the circus feel like home. It's also due to his wisdom and teaching that the cast (except for Jax) was able to come together again and build a future that seemed so bleak. The joy of creativity passed down to those that see him as a father figure finally gave his life and mind real purpose again.

Ragatha's journey is one of people pleasing and the fear of rejection. Knowing that she's the first one to enter the circus after everyone but Kinger abstracted makes her journey not only understandable but quite sad. Imagine losing so many people you knew and saw as friends in the span of almost 10 years. So when she tries so hard to get new people to like her so she doesn't have to see others abstract you can really feel her pain to why she masks under a happy go lucky and plucky attitude, it's only when Pomni really starts seeing her as a friend and talks to her like a person instead of an emotional pin cushion that she finally understands that trying too hard pushes more people away than being yourself.

Gangle's goals are hard to pin down on a first viewing, partly because of her timid nature and partly because Jax seems to push her to her breaking point too often. But I think her true goal was to find a space she could create without the pressure of responsibility or the stress of being an adult getting in the way. This finally starts to see this change as she become more assertive with the help of Zooble, can learn to rely on other like Pomni and find creative freedom post episode 9 with Caine.

Zooble is the weirdest one out of this topic because they're the only one that is able to fully come to terms with their goal without Pomni's help. Zooble obviously has body dysmorphia and they're goal is to find a space and body that makes them comfortable, but along the way they find that happiness really comes from within and instead of going with the flow and trying to be normal their abnormalities actually make them stronger. Being able to use 4 arms or build structures that can move out of body parts is not only useful it's also unique. In finally letting go of trying to be normal Zooble finds a sick new normality in this crazy world.

Finally let's talk Jax who is the linchpin to this whole deep dive (for brevity sake I'll be refering to Jax as they so y'all can use whatever pronouns you want). Jax is the antithesis of this message, the argument that says when someone does keep chasing an unobtainable goal they do eventually break. All Jax has ever wanted was to escape, to be somewhere where they could not worry about the demands of life, that the pranks they pull and the feelings they feel could be explained as all in good fun. But it's chasing this emotional isolation that not only starts Ribbit's push to abstraction but eventually is the thing that pushes them to also abstract. Pomni tried to break through but not even she could stop Jax from chasing their tail into abstraction, Jax is the narritive foil of what not to do when you keep digging yourself deeper. If Jax had allowed someone to get through to them as Goose has shown alot of other might have been better for it.

Now to conclude as to why I picked this topic is goes to show that sunk cost fallacy and chasing goals doesn't get you where you want to be, it's being able to rely on others and stop for a moment to actually see where you are going that allows you to become your best, most comfortable self. When all the characters finally stopped constantly running towards their goal they found what they were really.lookibg for, for Pomni it was a life she should enjoy, for Kinger it was passing on that spark of creativity, for Ragatha it was genuine acceptance, for Zooble it was being comfortable where they are at in life, for Gangle it was others seeing her worth and being able to create freely, for Caine it was genuine friendship and connection through the circus. Finally for Jax it was the breaking point that left them abstracted, that had they just opened up they could have saved themselves.

In the end on our road to a a place the journey changes is and it's during that journey, not the destination that we finally find what we were really looking for in the first place.