Change is not enough

Even if there's change, nothing follows.

I was left by my gf a month ago. It was a very "light" breakup. She told me she didn't have the energy to put into it anymore, and she could not simply forget things I told her during our last fight. She said she still cared about me, and that she wouldn't disappear. We spoke as people who hold each other dear.

So I accepted that she didn't want to be with me anymore, but I felt like she was too special to just let go. And I began changing myself. I recognized that most of the problems were on my part. I have just started therapy. I really put effort into change. I have made progress, even if I have not gotten to the end of it yet.

But what is depressing is that, even if I put effort into change, it's not up to me. At some point I will try again, but all will be decided by how she feels. It's so frustrating, even though the right thing is to give her the space she needs, that I have no control over us going back.