does anyone else feel like being trapped because of peoples expectations?

Hello there i really need help now

for starters im 20m and im coming from a very conservative family in the balkans so talking to family or friends is not an option at the moment.

So i have lived in germany for a few years and while i was there i cought myselt having thoughts about being with guys as well and there were few times when i went out to club or to a bar and allowed myself to try what it would be and will i like things like that and to be honest yeah i would lie if i say that i would never repeat that but at the same time there was something missing that i had with girls just like when i was with girls there are other things that didnt quite make the picture full.... i know that it might be confusing but i feel like there is always something missing especialy now i had to come back in my homeland to study last year and i miss the fact that i no longer can openly talk to a guy becouse i am scared of the following....

yeah while i am here i did have some ''contact'' with females and it was all fun and everything but the fact that i cant let myself be open about it makes me fell almost empty and i dont know what to do.

i dont know what i like more i mean for the sexual part i really like being dominant with both m/f and that part i kinda enjoy more with females but there are times that im kinda in the mood to be dominated by someone (m) and i am not able to do that with a womam plus here people are very pressuring like yeah like i said im down for one night stands but i dont want to do that every single day i cant sleep with everyone i see on the streets and when i reject someone for example a woman i am gay becouse i am not attracted to her or some bullshit like that

also i know people from the comunity and especialy where i live and they have been beaten and stabed with knifes which i definitely dont want for me.

so the question of the day is

is there a way to not feel soo unfit and kinda get over the fact that i like guys as well and just choose one over another