I tried writing, God help me. I think it sucks but I want it to suck less. Advice/ feedback appreciated!

Basically what the title says. I have a couple chapters where I fleshed out the main three characters. It’s kind of a drama, I guess? Here’s the beginning:

I have an unconventional roommate. To be fair, I didn’t know about his secret until a few years ago. It’s a miracle he managed to keep it from me for so long.
Did I tell anyone about it? Of course not! He wouldn’t appreciate that. He’s not nice to live with when he gets upset.
But hey, all I have to do is keep his secret, give him a hand here and there, and he’ll leave me alone. It’s been working for five years now, hasn’t it?

So, backstory. I bet you have all sorts of questions, don’t you?
Who am I?
What kind of house do I live in?
Do I have a pet?
Do I have plants?
Which types of plants?
What are the names of my plants?
Which watering routine do my plants have?
What’s my social security number?
Let me answer those questions.
My name is Joniah. No, I am not a woman. I am a full-time baker and part-time film critic. Sometimes I go to orphanages. I always put my left sock on before the right. I don’t currently have a girlfriend. I do have a best friend: Rexi. No, it’s not like that.
There’s also Rajesh. Rajesh Chauhan is my roommate…? friend...? …thing. Whatever he considers himself these days.
I live in a snug one-story apartment smack dab in the middle of the loud city. I don’t have any pets.
I do have plants. I’m so glad you asked. I love my babies, I could talk about them all day.
Jerry, my snake plant, Jarvis, my zebra plant, Jeramiah, my peace lily, and Jason. My maidenhair fern. Why are they named that? Long story. Rajesh says it's weird that I talk to them. He's one to talk about weird. Their watering schedules are very intricate and complex and I’ll talk about that later.
My social security number is 010-26-2683. Is that all you wanted? What, you want credit card information too? You don’t think I’ll actually tell you that, do you? Rajesh says I'm too trusting, but I’m a film critic. That means I'm a smart guy.
But I guess Rajesh is arguably smarter than me.