Rant from a newish RN

I’m a newer RN- I passed my RN boards in June 2025.

Back history: Prior to that I had been a degreed LPN since 2010- LTC/SNF, LTACH in a a metropolitan region that had pretty acute patients- especially during divert times, home health (skilled), and psych (IP adolescent and OP adult, heavy forensic pop)- in 2020 I left moved back to the Midwest, and started a remote appeals position in 2021. 5 years CNA in long term care before that.

Fast forward to the present-
When I began selectively interviewing I knew I wanted a hospital familiar with students and a new grad program, as well as the opportunity to transition to the Emergency Dept.

This spring I accepted a position that seemed too good to be true. Full time Emergency Dept with a new grad program and 6 month long orientation period. It’s also only 90 minutes from my parents (important since my mom was recently transitioned to hospice). Level III- Of course I accepted.

I’m two months in and I’ve never had anxiety like this in my LIFE! After my first 30 days, I was informed I am NOT in fact not a new grad, I will have the standard 90 day orientation, and will not have access to the new grad program.

At my 30 day I was told I “might not be rough enough around the edges”— I’ve spent 20 years working of professionalism and bedside manner, because it was actually a continuous critique that I was the opposite and something I’ve proudly made huge strides in. When I told my previous supervisor she laughed her ass right off.

My preceptor changes usually daily, sometimes I have two preceptors in a single 12 hour shift. Everyone charts differently. I requested a set preceptor, and while the response seemed promising 4 different preceptors in the last 3 days spoke volumes differently.

I’m told to reach out to have my preceptors cover so I can see critical care opportunities and seek out skills, some are great with this, others have told me I have my own patients and I’ll get to do that in the future.

I was told no triaging for a year. I was left alone triaging for 8 hours often times handling two rooms. I got it down to 6 minutes a patient and was told I needed to be faster and more accurate in the charting (probably fair!) but I kind of just got plopped into it and was faking it til I made it, yeah?

I was scolded for diluting my meds, and told they just slam most meds (for “time”- this is the ED not med/surg), I’m not comfortable with this… I feel like that’s the reason all these people listing dialudid as an allergy- we’re making them sick instead of taking three literal minutes to dilute and push a bit slower.

Anyway- tackled three rooms pretty much on my own yesterday- including a psych hold, new onset a. Fib with no beds, and a revolving room. I left feeling pretty good.

Anyway, I’m overwhelmed- I haven’t slept more than 4 hours in 4 days. About 2 hours last night because my ass woke up between the bed and wall thinking the fucking fireworks were gun shots at 12 am, and the last round at 2 am had me fully up for good.

I’m supposed to be on day four. I’m sitting in my yard at home. 🖕🏻

ACLS and the floor next week (I requested a day pulled from this schedule due to the holiday weekend with a class following it up and then back to the floor- DENIED)

My contract says 64- I usually pull 80+ /pay period—and can’t seem to catch up on education which apparently I’m supposed to complete during “down time on the floor” but I’m looking for the down time when my rooms are full every morning and the waiting room is lining up by 6.

I was so stoked and I LOVE the patients and the pace- but the incoherent start and orientation process, lack of consistency, and growing self doubt has me feeling some type of way. Mostly Salty. Definitely exhausted

- Might be too old for this RN