I really thought I’d have someone by now

I’m feeling pretty sad and down today. For years, while navigating my 20s, I genuinely bought into the idea that it was "cool" to be hyper-independent and not want a relationship. I wore it almost like a badge of honor.

A few years ago, I finally decided to be honest with myself: I do want a relationship. I want a partner to share my life with. But unfortunately, right around that time, I lost my mom. The grief was so heavy that it completely blocked me emotionally, and I had to put everything on hold just to get through it. I’ve only recently started trying to open myself up again, but I feel incredibly scared. It just hit me hard today that I fully expected to have found my person by this age, and I haven't. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you deal with the heavy sadness of realizing you are starting over in your 30s, while carrying this fear and grief?