Feeling Worse 7 Months In?

(Trigger warning and marked NSFW for the mention of death just to be safe)

Hi all. I’ve already booked a review/appointment with my GP to talk to him about this, but I wanted to ask here just in case anyone else went through or is experiencing a similar thing.

Started 50mg in Jan of this year, was upped to 100mg a month later in Feb, and have been on that dose since.

I experienced all of the ‘usual’ side effects for the first few days like nausea, loss of appetite, inability to sleep, no libido etc — but all of these things returned to normal fairly quickly.

The whole time I’ve been on this mediation I haven’t been able to ‘tell’ if it’s working or not. I’ve had a few days or weeks here and there where I’ve felt ‘fine’ and maybe a little more motivated and positive than I was prior to starting the meds, but for the most part I’ve sort of felt… nothing? I know that sertraline can cause emotional blunting, but it’s not even just blunting, it’s more of a zombie state where I don’t really care about anything.

I’m still getting up and going to work daily, because I have to, but when at home or not working, I just sit. Literally sit and watch the time pass. Even if I want to do something I still don’t do it. The things that I need to do I also don’t do, even knowing there will be consequences. On the outside I probably look and act fine, but internally my brain is screaming at me and feels also like it’s buzzing. It feels different though to before the meds as then I had no drive or want to do things. The want is there now, but I just don’t do things.

If anything I might even feel worse than I did before starting the meds? I genuinely can’t tell. Every so often I’m overtaken with severe apathy which eventually fizzles, but when it happens it’s awful. I’d rather be my old emotional self and crying over everything vs whatever state this is.

More concerning however, and what’s pushed me to make an appointment, is that over the past couple of days, my brain has been screaming things like ‘quit your job’ and ‘drop out of X responsibility’ seemingly out of nowhere. The subject of death has also kept popping into my mind alongside those thoughts too, but not in a dangerous/being at risk kind of way, more just death as a topic? I don’t know if that’ll make any sense.

Is it safe to assume I’ve given sertraline enough time to ‘work’ at this point and should be asking to try something else? Or has anyone faced this and just waited it out, leading to better results? Is there something else I should be looking into here?

In case it’s also relevant, I have also recently been referred for an ADHD assessment. I do think this could play into the executive dysfunction side of things.