What is normal texting etiquette for close friends and family?

Hi all. I'm dealing with burnout and a lot of demands. I've always been that friend that mysteriously stops texting, returns for 45 mins per month, and then disappears.

I'm trying to address the other life factors that create that cycle, but it helps to know what other people expect so I know what to aim for.

I'm consistent with business texts and time-sensitive demands. I'm on top of the work group chat, and usually respond within a few hours. I get top-of-screen notifications so I can see if something is urgent, and try to be prompt during business hours.

Mostly, I dislike texting. I want to be off of my phone and either focused on my work/hyperfixation or on resting. I'll share the occasional meme, and use it for quick communication (ex: grocery lists, coordinating schedules) or pet photo.

I have a few group chats that mostly reach out for support or to coordinate times to voice chat, but we regularly respond late. I just shared something vulnerable, and my friend took days to respond, and that's normal. I know if it's urgent, I can call.

Some contacts also treat text like letter writing, which I like. I'll get a flurry of texts a few times a year, we share updates, I feel remembered without stress to respond. Love that.

I'm struggling with some family members, who want more attention and engagement than I've been able to give them. I'm working on other ways to address this, like setting up regular calls instead, and communicating with these family members. I'm trying to create a habit of reviewing my inbox, but tbh I'm really overwhelmed.

However, some of them take this personally. To be clear, this is not the majority of my contacts. But I need to manage this situation by increasing my responsiveness, and by responding more than the bare minimum information necessary.

To complicate things, I'm getting married and some of my loved ones are more invested in this process than I am, which is the reason for the influx of emails and texts, and the very weird behavior from people who are otherwise semi-normal. I find it challenging because they'll frequently communicate via text (and/or email) and feel upset when I miss a text or don't reply promptly or with enough overt courtesy (these family members are older and read a LOT into minimal communication).

I was told a few days ago that me taking the time I need to recover from overwhelm is interpreted as a punishment. I've been told to stop spending time on my hyperfixation (<1hr/week) and to just let my garden die so I can spend the time responding. I feel like I need that time to deal with my anxiety and stress. The garden is my happy place, and the people at the soup kitchen are lovely and always make me feel better about the world. I really don't know how to mask to the point that these folks seem to need, while balancing my work (last year of a PhD, so it's not like it's exactly chill) and my relationship and other incidental demands.

Also, the loved ones in question frequently text to ask if we can talk about a topic instead of just conveying the relevant information, so I feel really taxed when I see these texts. It feels like getting ready for 20 questions, and they often misinterpret otherwise clear and direct communication (I've gotten a LOT of outside input on this), and it's very hard to assess what the urgency of the situation is. For example, I was contacted about a "problem with my dress" that ended up being a tear at the hem that's not only hard to see but will be removed to hem the dress to my height, and it took 10 minutes and quite a few questions to even figure out where to look on the dress. So I'm not sure how to respond to texts that are framed with urgency, knowing that these people frequently overstate but feel distress when their thoughts aren't addressed promptly.

I'm struggling a lot. I'm burnt out for other reasons, and very slowly catching up on my normal organization systems. But I can't seem to meet their expectations on this. (Note: yes, they expect a lot, yes I'm going to therapy so we can deal with it after the wedding, I'm just trying to minimize drama).

It would be helpful to me to understand other folks' texting habits and how you think about what communication you owe to others. Likewise, I'd love to hear if anyone has approaches to manage texts/emails from people who need you to actively mask (during burnout). I can keep on top of my work email, but I'm getting inundated with political texts (lol purple state in a midterm) on top of wedding stuff and everything else. and I'm so exhausted at the end of the day.

Thanks in advance. Love yall.