AITAH for ending my 2 year relationship because he wasn't at home when I arrived?

TLDR: my partner (50M) wasn't at home after a huge fight when he advised me (38F) he was going to be there because he lost track of time talking to his ex and picking up his phone charger from his sister's house.

My (50M) partner and I (38F) have been together for 2 years and moved in together a few months ago and things have been really rocky.

I've been able to identify that his behaviour is the catalyst for why we fight so much. It doesn't matter if I raise an issue, concern or feeling, he responds reactively and defensively. We've been arguing heaps, to the point it's affecting my mental health significantly.

Last week, and in normal steed, an argument kicked off over what shouldn't have been an argument. Things got heated and he became verbally abusive and physically intimidating. I felt so uncomfortable that I rang his ex wife to come and collect his kids because I didn't think they should be witnessing such volatility. Ringing his ex was an action I knew he'd lose it at me for, and he did. He left, ended it with me and refused to talk to me, blaming me for everything and saying it was over and there was no fixing anything.

It was a really rough time and I asked him multiple times to talk to me, but he refused, and stonewalled me. After unsuccessfully trying to arrange a time to talk, I agreed it was best thing to cut contact and said I'd reach out in time, once the dust had settled and I was able to discuss logistics to moving, the house, etc.

Fast forward to 24 hours later and he is at the house, emotional, telling me he knows he needs to change and he has an anger problem and he is seeing someone to help him. I had already packed a bag to go stay with a friend for a few days because I was struggling, but we spoke for an hour and I left. He promised me how he was going to do everything he could, even if I still decided things were finished, because he didn't want to be this person. He told me how much he loves me, needs me and wants me in his life. He asked me to come home to him, and after an emotional day away and being tired and just wanting to be home, I came back the next day.

We'd been texting most of the day and he asked me when I was going to be home so we could continue to talk more. He also offered he would go back to his sister's if I didn't feel comfortable but he wanted to hold me, talk things through even if I couldn't give an answer immediately, and told me he loved me. He also said he was ducking out but he'd be home by a certain time, at least half an hour before I arrived.

I get home and his car wasn't there. I message to see where he was and he rang me to tell me he lost track of time talking to his ex wife (about issues I had been bringing up) and he was also picking up his phone charger from his sister's house.

I was pissed.

Of all the things he could have done, the bare minimum I expected was for him to be at home. As my girlfriend said, the bare minimum they expected, was him to be at home with flowers, dinner sorted and being there to greet me after everything that happened. I felt it was so disrespectful to me to not update me or communicate his change of plans, and I also felt like it sent such a strong message - I wasn't a priority. I wasn't even worth doing the bare minimum for, which was being at home.

It turned into another argument of course. He told me I should have communicated I wanted him home... But he had communicated the time and set the expectation he would be there and didn't tell me anything was changing. He said he was doing things for "us" talking to his ex about issues we need to resolve. He said he asked her to talk for 10 minutes and it turned into over an hour and he lost track of time because it wasn't very productive but then grabbing his charger from his sister's place only took a minute so why did it matter? He said he was here only 20 minutes after I got home so couldn't understand why that was a big deal. He ended up telling me I was a coward to finally say this was the last straw and end it. He said I should have communicated more, but how can I communicate more when he set the expectation and then was completely silent and didn't update me? He said he didn't take his phone and I said he could have at any stage told his ex he needed to contact me to tell me he was going to be late or not there. (She has been supportive of our relationship, no issues with that, but she holds deep resentment towards him for reasons I now am aware of that mirror my own experience). He then turned it into how he had all this damage control to mitigate and how he had originally had plans to have dinner with his kids but cancelled so we could spend time together and I was a priority. This was news to me, he never once said anything about that until deep into the argument so I don't even know how true that is.

I just feel so disrespected and disappointed and let down. After the horrors and anxieties of the last week, the stonewalling by him and coldness to me when I was pleading to talk face to face, then the act of bravado to rock up and beg to make this work, to just not even bothering to be there when I arrived home, just sent me over the edge. It felt like the final straw.

AITAH? Or is this something you'd find disrespectful and the final straw?