i fucking hate myself

i have studied abroad for a semester and now it's time to go back to my hometown. i love my country and etc but i dont wanna leave. it feels like i want to kill myself cause it feels like i have already seen what i should have. even tho i am a grown ass adult, it feels like i hate my parents. whenever they call or text me, i tend to get upset out of fucking nowhere. i noticed also that i can be so annoying to my bsf. i am so afraid that she may just leave me as she got a bf, so i became very upset whenever she texts him while we talking on a video call. i wanna fucking kill myself, i am a bad daughter and a bad friend. i hate this life. but i dont wanna kill myself.

this can be very hard to read i am sorry, i just dumped everything on my mind