I've finally accepted my asexuality

I've known or have been questioning since I was 13. I knew something was different with me when I was in relationships and whenever the time came to take the next step, I was so indifferent or uninterested when it came to sexual conversations. It bored me. I see my peers giggling about making out and having sex with their boyfriends when I haven't even hugged my boyfriend (at the time) yet. I knew then something was not right. I don't think I'm sexually repulsed, I'm more indifferent to it. If I had someone I truly loved, I'd be open to it but I'd rather be away from the idea as much as possible. I slowly discovered the term on online forum and sweet communities on Tumblr.

So, soon after, I came out to a trusted friend of mine. I was nervous but I was happy I finally told someone. But she then asked me if I was gay. I said no, I'm hetreosexual but I'm asexual. She said that I'm trying to be part of the LGBTQ+ community because now it's trendy to have millions of pronouns and call yourself gay. Though I wanted to say that it was not true, I felt a quiet fear bloom that maybe I was doing it for attention. Because at one time, I did wonder if I was pansexual but later discovered I wasn't. So I was worried it was another case. So, I dismissed my asexuality because I can't be part of the queer community if I'm not gay.

Years passed, I'm in university now. I've made some wonderful queer friends who truly understand me. But I never said I was asexual. I would say I'm straight. I never tried to imply it or anything because they had a queer club and I did not want to take away their resources as a straight person. I really did feel like if I joined their conversations, I was a fraud. But recently, something just clicked. It was this sudden sureness that I just knew I was asexual. I don't know how or why. I just got this epiphany and confidence to call myself asexual. I still can't call myself part of the queer community but I finally feel whole and real. I love saying I'm an asexual and I'm so proud of my asexuality.

P.S sorry for yapping so much lol