fml

i’ve always struggled with body image and LITERALLY ALWAYS though i was a bit bigger than other kids. so ive been trying to lose weight since like late 2024, early 2025 but gave up then because the scale wasn’t moving much and i couldn’t be bothered, but towards the end of 2025, like august, i started locking in and lost about a kilo a month until december (at this point i lost about 8kg) where i was dieting at home and then went on holidays and gained a kilo and then went on holidays for another week and gained the weight and lost it again. at this point it was january and i wasn’t eating much but the scale wouldn’t go down anymore and my parents started to worry. i told them that when school started again i would eat normally and they trusted me, but when school started again i wasn’t at my gw… so on the 2nd of feb my mum confiscated the scale. time passed and they kept trying to take me to the gp for check ups and stuff because my period hadn’t come since december but i refused, saying there was nothing wrong with me. but on the 14th of march they FORCED me to go to an appointment at the ed hub. there my weight was super low and honestly i was surprised it dropped because i started eating again, compared to when i was eating like nothing and the scale was not budging at all. so the ed hub saw me and told my parents to get me to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. obviously they tried, but i would only eat the meals and refuse snacks, at this point, the school somehow got involved and wouldn’t let me go to school because they were worried about duty of care or some shit but me and my parents were like hell no i’m gonna get my education, so we went to the hospital in the middle of the nights to get certificates and shit to say i could attend school. but way before this we were already planning a trip to china during week 10 of term one, so even though they were “super worried” about the trip we still went for 3 weeks and it was good and everything. however when we got home, honestly i was worried they were gonna make me eat crazy amounts of food at home so i started throwing my lunch away and eat minimally at school to save room for home. school had only started the new term for 3 days and on the 4th i had an ekg done and my hr was 41 bmp, so on the 23rd of april my parents sent me to hospital, where i was hospitalised for an ed. i stayed in hospital working my way up on the meal plan until i was discharged on the 11th of may. but when i got home i stopped following the meal plan, even though the doctors said i had to follow it, and somehow things escalated and my parents called THE AMBULANCE, and 2 days later i got readmitted. so ive been in the hospital since the 14th of may and basically every weekend they tried giving me gate leave but when i got home apparently i was “negotiating food and showing ed behaviours” so now their sending me to a hospital in a bigger city for idk how long, like i might even be there on my birthday and now ive missed a whole term of school and sm time with my friends and ive gained 10kg in hospital and am weight restore and at a healthy bmi but they still want me to gain more weight and follow the meal plan. idk what to do like ive just wanted to be skinny since forever and the moment i got it everyone had something to say and ive literally am hospitalised because of it and idk when it will stop and i don’t see the point because THE SECOND i’m 18 i’m gonna move out and lose all the weight again.

so basically this year has been a living hell