Depression After Transition

what does it mean if i transitioned sucessfully (stealth) but I’m still so depressed I want to die? does that invalidate my transiton?

it does not feel trans related, feels like a different flavor than pre transition. also I would never de trans, even if they tell me it would 100% relive my depression. if i can’t be a man and happy then its not meant to be. but it does make me anxious that anyone who learns I’m trans especially psychiatrist will blame being trans, or see it like I’m fake trans.

if i go to a clinic (and they find out) will they just tell me to detrans. and can my insurance take me off hrt because it did not work?