Am I just having a hard time adjusting to an LDR or am I settling for less?

Problem/Goal: I want to know if I’m asking for too much from my boyfriend in our LDR or if what I’m feeling is valid. I love him, but lately I feel so alone in our relationship and I don’t know if this is just the reality of long distance or if something is wrong.

Context: My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. Hindi pa naman kami ganun katagal, but we used to live close to each other before he had to move away because of family circumstances. We’re both still in college.

Before maging kami, sinabi ko na talaga sa kanya na I don’t think I can do LDR. Alam kong mahihirapan ako. Pero I still took the risk because I genuinely see a future with him. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, if I really want a future with this person, then I have to be willing to sacrifice something. Pero grabe pala talaga.

He’s always busy with school, family, and other responsibilities. I know he’s trying his best, and I understand that. Lagi niya ring sinasabi na I should keep myself busy and do something productive habang hindi kami nakakapag-usap.

The thing is I’m currently going through something emotionally, and more than anything, gusto ko lang maramdaman na kahit malayo siya, he’s still emotionally with me. Pero kapag nag-uusap kami, most of the time, kinukuwento niya yung nangyari sa araw niya, what he did, ganun. And honestly, I don’t have a problem with that at all. I genuinely love hearing about his day because I want to know what’s happening in his life. But minsan, I wish he’d show the same curiosity about mine. Parang bihira niyang tanungin kung kamusta ako. Tapos kapag may kinuwento akong important na pinagdadaanan ko, hindi na niya nababalikan or fina-follow up the next time we talk. It makes me feel like I’m not really being seen.

Noong una naming napag-usapan yung LDR, we agreed na we’d see each other every two weeks. Ayoko rin naman siyang mapagastos sa pamasahe, so okay na sa’kin yun. Pero ngayon, parang nagkikita na lang kami kapag convenient sa schedule niya.
We were supposed to meet this week. Actually, sobrang inaabangan ko yun because I have an important exam coming up, and I thought seeing him before that would help me destress kahit papaano. Pero dahil sa bad weather, ako na mismo yung nagsabi if puwede bang i-reschedule. At first, sabi niya Thursday na lang. Tapos ilang minuto lang lumipas, binawi niya rin agad and said next next week na lang kami magkita.

I know it sounds like a small thing, pero sobrang nalungkot ako. Kasi I was really looking forward to it. Hindi ko naman hinihingi na lagi kaming magkita. I just wanted a little time with him before another stressful week. When he changed the plan so easily, parang na-feel ko na okay lang sa kanya if hindi kami magkita. Parang ako na lang yung laging excited.

I love him. I really do. Pero lately, I just feel so alone in this relationship. Ang hirap kasi parang hinihintay ko na lang lagi yung oras na pwede kaming mag-usap, tapos kapag nag-uusap kami, hindi ko rin nararamdaman na may space para sa nararamdaman ko. Part of me thinks baka immature lang ako. Baka kailangan ko lang talagang mas intindihin yung situation niya. Pero another part of me keeps asking if it’s it really too much to want your partner to ask how you’re doing, remember the things you shared, and make you feel like seeing you is something they look forward to too?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this just the reality of LDR, or is this something I should be worried about as the relationship itself was no longer meeting your emotional needs?