Made the call

I have been working as a production manager at a small company for under a year. I was hired by their out of state corporate to get them on the same page with lean, continuous improvement, and meet demand. The bosses are a drunk married couple. They sold this business to the conglomerate two years ago and have refused to get on board.

I came into this position after a very traumatic loss of my career of 15 years. Looking back, I. Didn't handle it well. Now I'm in an environment that is full of pointless screaming, micromanaging, and anxiety dumping. I have been sick at least 20 times this year already and my physical symptoms are starting to put me in urgent care repeatedly. I'm not scheduling some doctors appointments because I'm too scared to ask for more time off from them. I feel like I'm constantly in shock. My GP and therapist have told me I need to walk away from this toxic environment before my health gets worse. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD and Depression. I have had massive amounts of gastrointestinal issues, and now my chest hurts from the constant adrenaline from panic attacks. This has never been me. My family is adamantly opposed.

I am taking back my life today. I am starting by taking medical leave as to not nuke my relationship. I am going to take a few weeks to decompress and get out of fight or flight. I will reassess the toxicity and trauma of my current role when my brain isn't lighting off flares at rain drops. I doubt I will ever go back, but I can't completely trust my judgment right now with the amount of anxiety inside me.

I am trying to be level headed and calm about this, but next up is to tell the family after weeks of back and forth. They will probably be angry/upset, but I can't manage their disappointment anymore. I am not running away, I am trying to repair my broken foundation, for them. I think I know what I'm going to say, but this is the real unknown for me,

I have gone through our finances 2 times. I could theoretically not work for six months with no changes to our lifestyle. I am only aiming for three weeks. I am hanging on to my current job in case I can't find something new in a timely manner.

I am not a disappointment. I am not a failure. I am taking back control of my health today instead of mindlessly toughing it out until I'm too broken to continue. That's the real toxic behavior.