Sent my goodbye letter but..

We dated for about 6 months then I had to take a step back because I’ve hit my limit with his ambivalence. We started strong. Went on a holiday roadtrip to Canada after two months. But after the roadtrip, things started feeling different. Also, it was during the trip I noticed he had some avoidant tendencies. He shows care but still felt being kept at arms length. We acted like a couple but never became official because he said he needs to be 100% sure. We were exclusively dating. But at month 4, we had our first hard convo. I brought up that I feel like we’ve stagnated and not building. Long story short, I said I’m only in this if you’re in this too. So he said he wants to try again.

He seems to struggle with opening up but I also see he’s trying in his own way. I also see how he seems to struggle with fears and anxiety. Like he has desires in life but seem to get caught in indecision because of fears. He also feels like he isn’t where he wants to be yet but he feels like I’ve achieved so much already in life. This left me wondering if I left too soon. So I reconnected with him after a month of space.

He was receptive and warm and we got back to texting pretty smoothly. However, we never saw each other in the reconnection . He offered to help me install my curtain rod without me asking. But on the day of the supposed plan to help, he only texted later that night saying sorry. That left me really disappointed because after weeks since reconnecting, it showed his priorities were elsewhere (he was on a dating app around this time). He was also getting inconsistent with texting towards the end. I stopped responding coz it was in that moment that I saw reality for what it was. I was emotionally exhausted and remember feeling surrendered.

A week later he sent me a reel. So this time, I sent him my goodbye letter. I have no resentments and feel a lot of empathy for him despite everything. I wasn’t expecting to hear back from him bec I sent the letter to have a clean closure. However, he asked to talk.
He said he feels really sad. He said he needs to be alone to reflect and learn to value the right things. He knows he will regret and that by the time he is ready, it will be too late because I’d have a bf by then. He said it would be too selfish of him to have me wait. I asked if it’s coz he doesn’t see us long term. He said he does know that I’m a good woman for him and that it will work out in the long term but he doesn’t understand himself why his reason is superficial which he knows is wrong.
He wanted to continue the conversation at another time but I hesitated bec again, I felt like my decision was final. So he said if I ever feel ready or want to talk he will always keep his door open for me..

So you see his ambivalence, he says he needs to be alone but then also seeking connection. I do wanna see him grow but then I know he needs to do the work on his own.
Two weeks later, my empathy and self-respect are competing. But I keep reminding myself that I can’t go back to the old cycle without real change.