[M4F] need feminist to make me feel powerless

I'm a 37 year old virgin and a loser. I want to chat with a woman who is better than me and knows it. I want to chat with someone who hates men but doesn't have the opportunity to express it as much as she likes.

I know women who hate men.

I nod my head and agree but it does hurt my feelings. I know if I ever stand up for myself I'll be seen as someone they can't be honest around and our relationship will forever change. I’m so scared of being downgraded or discarded I continue to agree with them and being such a spineless loser makes me feel pathetic and horny.

I don't want to be defensive around women and just sit there wondering what I should do. I want to give in and give up. I want to feel so powerless I just jerk off to the humiliation and agree with everything a woman says knowing it’s pointless to disagree.

Please mock me and degrade me in till I don’t have any fight left in me. Id love for our relationship to grow close. I'd love for us to know each other for years. I would like nothing more than to one day wake up and hear "Men are trash." and not think for a second that I can do anything about it.