Really want to be done this time

I have struggled with alcoholism silently for years. The sneakiness of my drinking and the amount of it that I do, is in my entire family tree/ bloodline.
Last night we celebrated my FIL birthday and they decided they wanted to pregame at a bar down the street before going out to eat. As soon as I heard we were doing this I got extremely excited and triggered into what I was trying to avoid. I absolutely humiliated myself in front of my partners family, I lost my glasses, I lost my debit card, I ended up being really really mean to my partner for not taking me to another bar after the night was over, etc. i have no memory of this. I literally woke up on the middle of my living room floor at 5 am just so disappointed and disgusted with myself. I feel like complete garbage physically and mentally. Now that I've shown that side of me to people I really admire and respect, I think it's time to stop. I quit my job a few weeks ago and have just been flying off the handle since, so I don't even have the financial means to pay my bills let alone buy a bunch of alcohol.
I think I needed to be embarrassed. I desperately needed a kick in my ass . This is one of the first mornings in a while I haven't wanted to drink.