31 [M4F] Turkey – A thirsty man walking past fountains

Have you ever been in a place in your life where you want something specific? Something who's absence causes pain, but at the same time, you're determined not to settle? So, you just keep on walking…

These posts, for lack of a better word, are advertisements. Often, the most effective advertisements solely showcase how good the "product" is. I could take that approach, and I could sell myself effectively without going against my morals (I've never been comfortable selling bad products or services). I could tell you about my honesty, my integrity, my ability to make people laugh and the satisfaction I get from putting a smile on someone's face. My thirst for adventure, my drive for self-improvement. The pleasure I get from bowing my head to women who are used to male-dominated environments, sharing her excitement as she discovers a new side to herself. I could tell you about my interests, history, art, sports, travelling...

I've taken that approach before, and whilst I've been fortunate to hear from some amazing women, I'm still here. Here because I don't just want any person and any relationship. I'm specific about the type of woman I want to grow old with, and I'd rather be single and lonely than settle. Casual dating isn't my thing either, so I'm not going to share my heart and body with someone I don't already have a connection with.

So yeah, I'm still here, typing this at my desk, knowing I should be working, but taking the luxury not to because I'm my own boss and don't have anyone breathing down my neck (for better or worse).

Truth is, I'm lonely. I see the outside world but I'm looking at it through glass. I've found myself losing my spark, and whilst I do still smile, my eyes tell the real story.

I'm British, but Turkey has been home for several years. From the outside, life looks perfect, I run a business, I have a house, some good friends, a dog, my parents are alive and well. I'm not blind to that, but I can't sit here and say everything is ok, because it isn't.

I'm also half Turkish. Born and raised in the UK, but I look Turkish, and I always sense an expectation to "be" Turkish. I don't speak the language, not out of laziness, but because of a block stutter. The words don't come out. It's stress related, normally I'm fine with English, and lately I'm finding it hard to express myself in general.

That's why I'm here on Reddit, hoping to find my person. I'm confident in most circumstances, but not being able to say what I want to say, knowing my face is twitching as I struggle to get the words out, has taken its toll, and to be honest, I don't even try anymore. I try to avoid conversations with Turks even though deep down I do want to engage. I miss having short chats with strangers and making them laugh and smile.

Now, you may be thinking I'm high maintenance, but I'm one of the more easy-going guys out there. I can cook, I keep myself and my living area clean, I pride myself on being a clear communicator, and I don't play games. Just knowing I have the person I want is all I need. Once you're by my side, you'll see how I find myself again. I'll be like a calm cloud you can retreat to when you're stressed, and I'll comfort you as we drift away. I'll shower you in genuine, intricate compliments, so you're never doubting yourself and your self-worth. I'll cook for you, bring you drinks, and much more...