After a miscarriage, I don’t want to try again but my husband still wants a child

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and married for 6. We were both certain that we didn’t want children until suddenly, after 14 years together, my husband changed his mind.

We talked about it a lot, analyzed everything, and I decided to give it a try. But I miscarried in the fourth month of pregnancy. Now I don’t want to try again. It was all too much. I felt absolutely terrible during the first trimester—I had panic attacks and severe anxiety. Then came the hospital, heavy bleeding, and a medical procedure. It was awful.

My husband would still like to have a child, but I just don’t have the strength to go through it again. It’s too much for me. He says that he loves me and that I’m the most important person to him, that he would rather be with me without having a child than have a child against my wishes, and that he doesn’t want us to separate either.

At the same time, I feel this enormous sense of grief and sadness. I’m sad that after so many years he suddenly changed his mind (I know he has every right to! But it still makes me sad). I feel awful that I’m so scared and don’t want to try again. I feel as though I’m taking something away from him. And I’m afraid that one day he’ll resent me for it.

God, it’s so hard 🫠. There are moments when I think that maybe I could have a child after all and that it wouldn’t be so bad, but somewhere deep down, I know that it’s not for me. And even though I know that, I still feel so much grief and pain 😩