Vent, some advice wanted.

TW - weight and restriction but no numbers

I can’t help but look in the mirror at my body everyday, today I realised I’ve gained. It’s triggered me a lot, my brain keeps telling me to not eat this week, to lose the weight I’ve gained. I can’t tell if I want to listen to my brain or not but either way I kinda am, I’ve only had an ice lolly.

I don’t want to become weaker, my body is already extremely weak as it is, but deep down I want to lose the weight. I’m terrified of going back to being overweight and binging almost everyday, my brain keeps telling me if I eat like normal then I’ll be overweight again. I don’t know how to deal with this weight gain, I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind.