Any advice or prayers for this depressed young man?

I haven't had an easy childhood. My parents neglected me, and abused me verbally, physically and emotionally. Without going into too much detail, my mom would curse me out daily and scream at me daily, saying things like I wish I'd die to be free from you, and call me cuck, dog or dogshit. It was really, really bad.

I grew up a very young insecure boy, and had a lot of issues with my identity. At some point, I thought I was gay. I even attended a gaypride. Thank God, He has now delivered me from that lifestyle. I'm 30 now and I'd love to still get married and have a 'normal' family.

I don't know, I'm just depressed. I always as a kid had big dreams, to become famous, do acting or maybe start a youtube channel. I want to share my voice with the world. But I'm so scared of my past leaking out. I was very selective with who knew and a lot of friends and family don't know about my past. So I feel like I'm in some sort of cage, where I can't pursue what I love and be free and passionate, because I have a dark secret I'm very ashamed of. I didn't wear any crazy clothes or weird stuff at the pride parade anyways, but I know pics were taken with a group so I'd be scared of stuff leaking out - you can definitely tell we were at a pride event with rainbows and stuff. I mean I could always say I was an ally, right? Sigh.. I don't know... I feel like I'm living in the shadows. Why did God give me this life? The other day I was thinking, this feels more like death. I'm so embarassed of my former self.

All of this is making me very depressed and I need some help or prayers. Please be gentle, this part of my life hurts a lot and I'm scared people are going to trample over me. Everything feels grey, monotone, and incredibly boring. Maybe I'm still healing from all I've been through.

I have started to pray the Rosary daily since the beginning of this year. Any prayers or advice is welcome.

Love you all.