I want to throw in the towel

I'm out of options and I know that we're supposed to fight that kind of thinking but I can't, I'm overwhelmed today. Sorry if this vent is too much for this sub just deleete if it is

I can't take antipsychotics, I get movement side effects from them. I tried Nozinan, Haldol, Risperidone, Latuda, Abilify, and Loxapine. So I just take Lithium and Depakote and ignore hallucinations and take a Klonopin if I need it. I got a TBI 8 months ago and everything's been worse - I got chronic migraines from it. My hips hurt from being heavier than before, thanks Depakote. I put on so much weight on Abilify and I had lost about half of it. Why do I have it all back PLUS MORE

(side note: I have tried multiple SSRIs, SNRIs, Lamotrigine, and Topamax - I'm really low on med options and Depakote was obviously a last resort)

Because of the migraines, I have to switch careers. I worked with computers. But because of my Bipolar thwarting my every fucking attempt at education, I have no tangible skills. So I just stay at home all day in the dark and try and go on walks in the evening and try to tell myself to eat better. Instead I just do nothing unless my husband has friends over - I only have one friend that's not "his friend" and he's hard to vocalise all of this to. My husband does like 80% of the housework and works full time and it's not fair to him anymore.

I did say all of this to my psychiatrist and my GP, just to be clear. They don't seem particularly concerned, just more frequent in-person appointments. I don't have a therapist, but my social worker is off all month. I reached out to crisis services and after I finally got someone she told me she can't stop me from killing myself. I thought it was the drinking making me feel like this, summer makes me susceptible to cocktails, but it didn't help me when I stopped. All I want to do is get laid and stop hearing voices from my goddamn air conditioner. I can't stop crying. I'm in so much pain I want that day I planned to die on to come quicker

idk sorry this ended up being so long and whiny