Body image during bipolar mood episodes

Who else is in a similar situation ?

My relationship with my body is closely tied to my mood episodes.

During my up phases, I tend to take better care of myself. I want to lose weight and feel attractive again.

But it goes beyond that.

As soon as I start feeling better and more comfortable in my body, I begin taking sexual risks.

I have a partner, children, and a family, yet in those moments I feel capable of cheating and falling back into a spiral of reckless, uninhibited sexual behavior.

I even put myself in danger by risking friendships, for example by making inappropriate advances.

On the other hand, during my down phases, I completely neglect my body.

I feel disgusting, fat, and ugly. I'm overwhelmed by self-pity, with thoughts of death and a deep sense of hopelessness....