I[25F] keep shutting down at the first sign of conflict with my husband[26M]

My husband [26M] and I [25F] have been together for 8 years, married for almost 5 years. We were best friends for three years in high school before we started dating so we had a pretty good friendship foundation built.

I shut down the second I feel like my husband is upset about something. He never yells. He just gets disappointed. There’s been a couple times when he’s said stuff that was hurtful about me using weaponized incompetence or thinking my days are harder than his when he works on an ambulance and I stay home with our son. Those comments were brought on by my inconsistency with keeping up with the house and with how often I feel overwhelmed or crabby about my day to day so I feel like it’s not completely wrong for him to say those things. However, he will try to talk about how frustrated he is with how the house looks and before he can even finish what he’s saying, my eyes glaze over and I just shut down. I immediately feel embarrassed and stupid for letting the house work fall behind so I just start cleaning quietly, sometimes crying because I just feel so dumb for not being able to stick to a schedule or routine. I stick to a routine for like two weeks and then I spend two weeks floundering and then I get back on track and it’s just a stupid cycle. Like I said before, he doesn’t yell or speak in a harsh way. He will just say things like “it’s really frustrating to come home to the house being a mess.” Or “I don’t know how many times I have to talk about the laundry.” Stuff like that. So then everything usually gets caught up after that but that’s after I let things fall behind and after I completely shut down. I try to explain myself but I usually start crying if I say that and that makes him feel bad so I don’t like to explain myself because I don’t want him to feel like he can’t talk about things that are upsetting.

I just don’t know how to avoid the shut down. I don’t know how to develop some kind of system that works for keeping up with the house so it doesn’t even get to that point.

We rarely have disagreements but when he gets upset like this, it’s so hard for me because he gets really quiet and it feels like he just looks through me so even if the house isn’t the problem I just immediately start cleaning while avoiding eye contact because I just feel awful.

Does any of this makesr sense? I just don’t want him to feel this way anymore. He’s making a huge sacrifice by being the sole provider for our family and I don’t want him to come home and be unhappy and I want him to feel like he can talk to me without feeling bbad.

TL;DR - I shut down when my husband gets upset. He doesn’t yell but He feels bad when I start crying or when I shut down. I’m trying to work on breaking that cycle and working through it.